Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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