my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
