She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
