Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Someone signed my nipple.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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