I must be too annoying 4 u.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
