I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
