Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
