Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
