Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
