He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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