I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
