What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
