i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
