youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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