You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
