I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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