Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
