i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
