Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I came so hard my ears popped.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
