i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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