I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
