how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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