I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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