So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
