i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
