Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
