how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
