i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
