when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
