well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
