its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
