I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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