Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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