Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
