I just gift wrapped bread.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
