it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
