So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
