Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
