You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
