you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
