How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
