why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
