the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
