You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
