You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
