It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
