I just cut my nipple shaving
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
