Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
