I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
