pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
