I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
