some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
