Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
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