so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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